Wussies on both sides of the political spectrum actually fuel the culture wars …
🎸 “Snowflakes Left and Right” — A Country Song for a Canceled Nation
This ain’t for the keyboard warriors.
It ain’t for the slogan slingers.
It’s for the folks in the middle —
flipping pancakes, minding their business, muting both sides.
🗞️ This Week’s Dispatch
What happens when both sides of the aisle forget how to laugh, cancel anything they fear, and market outrage like it’s Black Friday?
You get modern America—a land of bans, boycotts, and keyboard crusaders, where a diner request is “problematic” and a patriotic song might get you fired, depending on which flag is behind it.
“Snowflakes Left and Right” is drawn from real events on both ends of the spectrum.
Think Johnny Cash meets a banned TikTok.
👇 Scroll for the full lyrics, but first, let’s unpack the strange, bipartisan mess that inspired them.
❄️ The Left Cancels for Morality
Once the home of free-speech radicals, parts of the political left have morphed into ideological purity police. Say the wrong thing—or say the right thing the wrong way—and you’re out.
- A med student was suspended for questioning the concept of “micro-aggressions.”
- A data analyst was fired after tweeting inconvenient polling data.
- An author’s book was banned for exploring non-mainstream LGBTQ+ perspectives.
- Coaches, comedians, and cartoonists have been booted over old jokes or tweets.
And yes—someone actually blogged that typing the word “trauma” was traumatizing. (That inspired verse one.)
🎯 The Right Cancels for Patriotism
For years, conservatives mocked left-wing “snowflake” sensitivity. Now they’ve got a cancel culture of their own—just with flags.
- A student was denied a diploma after giving a speech critical of Israel.
- Conservative groups pushed to fire critics of a slain pundit.
- Teachers and books have been removed for containing “woke” content.
- Professors have been dismissed for teaching LGBTQ+ topics.
- Even within their own ranks, dissent is branded as unpatriotic.
Rage now comes bundled with freeze-dried beef, a promo code, and a “Don’t Tread on Me” T-shirt.
🧨 Everyone’s a Snowflake Now
This isn’t left versus right anymore. It’s a full-blown identity crisis.
Both sides:
- Equate disagreement with danger
- Treat offense as a status badge
- Punish speech with career death
- Prefer slogans over solutions
- Sell outrage as a lifestyle brand
They cancel each other, cancel themselves, and then cry foul. Meanwhile, the average American is just trying to eat their eggs and toast without stepping on a tripwire.
🎵 “Snowflakes Left and Right”
[Verse 1]
I walked in a diner hummin low and sweet
Said coffee please and they called it hate speech
She said I caused trauma with my flannel tone
Then blogged about it starin at her phone
So I crossed the street where the flags were bold
But they banned a book cause the sheriff looked old
Now I sit confused with my eggs and toast
While both sides cancel what I liked the most
[Verse 2]
They banned a beer for the rainbow can
Then banned cigars at the county stand
One shouts freedom one shouts harm
Both sell panic on a graphic charm
I saw a preacher preach on liberty
Then fly first class on live TV
It’s all for sale — the cause, the cry
Truth don’t matter when the merch can fly
[Verse 3]
Now rage comes boxed with a coupon code
With freeze-dried beef and a flag for show
A witch on TikTok cast a hex
While a vet in shades says the earth’s a flex
If common sense still walks this land
It’s hogtied deep in a minivan
And somewhere under the shout and spin
There’s a flag that used to stand for kin
[Verse 4]
I don’t have answers, just this beat-up chord
And a nose for bullshit I can’t ignore
Keep your tribe, your jersey pride
If you can’t take jokes, you can’t pick sides
So I sing it plain like Cash might do
For the folks who see the circus too
While red and blue keep screaming loud
I sip my coffee and laugh out loud
đź“š Sources & Links
Yes, these stories are real.
(We just gave them a guitar.)
- “The Right Has Embraced the Cancel Culture It Once Claimed to Hate.” — Jacobin
- “12 People Canceled by the Left.” — The Heritage Foundation
- “New Conservative Cancel Culture.” — The American Prospect
- “Cancel Culture: A Right and Left Phenomenon.” — Medium
👇 Final Thought
If both sides are offended by everything, who’s left to fix anything?
We don’t need less disagreement—we need less damn fragility.
🎤 Like this post? Share it, sing it, or shout it into a culture war echo chamber near you.
for more songs, essays, and wry dispatches from the center of the storm.
