The Choirboy’s Secret
How Republican “Family Values” Became a Shield for Scandal
A documented pattern of hypocrisy — from hush money to handcuffs.
Disclaimer: This article is based on publicly available court documents, government records, and major news reports. All factual claims are cited below.
Case Studies in Contradiction
1. Dennis Hastert
Speaker of the House (1999–2007)
In 2016, Hastert was sentenced to 15 months in federal prison for structuring $1.7 million in hush money payments to conceal past sexual abuse.1 The abuse occurred while he was a high school wrestling coach. Although the statute of limitations had expired for the abuse itself, Hastert admitted to molesting multiple minors.2 The judge called him a “serial child molester.”3
2. Mark Foley
U.S. Representative, Florida (1995–2006)
Resigned after reports surfaced that he had sent sexually explicit messages to underage male congressional pages.4 Though no criminal charges were filed, a bipartisan House Ethics Committee concluded he had violated House rules.5 Foley cited alcoholism and entered rehab.
3. Jim Jordan
U.S. Representative, Ohio (2007–present)
More than a dozen former Ohio State wrestlers said Jordan, then assistant wrestling coach, ignored or failed to act on complaints of sexual abuse by team doctor Richard Strauss.6 An investigation found Strauss abused at least 177 students.7 Jordan denies any knowledge of the abuse.
4. Roy Moore
Former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court
At least nine women accused Moore of sexual misconduct, including two who were underage at the time.8 He denied the allegations and lost the 2017 Senate race in Alabama.9
5. Ralph Shortey
Oklahoma State Senator (2010–2017)
Arrested in 2017 after police found him in a motel with a 17-year-old boy.10 He later pleaded guilty to child sex trafficking and was sentenced to 15 years in prison.11
6. Joel Greenberg
Seminole County Tax Collector, Florida
Greenberg pleaded guilty to six federal crimes, including sex trafficking of a minor.12 He admitted to paying for sex with an underage girl and introducing her to other men.13 Sentenced to 11 years in 2022.14
7. Matt Gaetz
U.S. Representative, Florida (2017–2024)
Investigated for alleged sexual involvement with a 17-year-old and possible trafficking violations. DOJ declined to press charges in 2023.15 A House Ethics Committee report later found “substantial evidence” that Gaetz engaged in behavior including prostitution, statutory rape, and drug use.16 Gaetz denies all wrongdoing.
8. Eric Greitens
Governor of Missouri (2017–2018)
Accused by a woman of coercing her into sex acts and threatening blackmail.17 A Missouri House panel found her testimony “credible.”18 Greitens resigned amid felony charges, which were dropped in a plea deal. He denied criminal wrongdoing but admitted to the affair.19
9. Scott DesJarlais
U.S. Representative, Tennessee (2011–present)
Admitted under oath during a divorce trial to encouraging multiple women—including patients and his ex-wife—to have abortions.20 He also confessed to having affairs with patients, a violation of medical ethics.21
10. Blake Farenthold
U.S. Representative, Texas (2011–2018)
Used $84,000 in taxpayer funds to settle a sexual harassment claim.22 He denied wrongdoing but resigned under pressure.23 Despite pledging repayment, he never reimbursed the public.24
This Isn’t a Scandal Sheet — It’s a Pattern
Behind the public posturing about “family values” lies a long, well-documented record of misconduct, protected by silence and enabled by power.
These aren’t rumors. They’re legal records, court transcripts, and ethics investigations. And the pattern is clear: one set of rules for the public, another for themselves.
“This isn’t a culture war. It’s a cover-up.”
The Choirboy’s Secret
Folk Protest Song
Key: D minor · Time Signature: 6/8
Verse 1
They pounded their fists on the Bible
Swore they’d protect the weak
But behind closed doors and hotel floors
Their righteousness starts to reek
They called it “family values”
While hiding their disgrace
Preaching loud ’bout virtue
With sin drippin’ down their face
Chorus
Oh, the choirboy’s got a secret
But he votes to shame the poor
Points ring at sinners
Then crawls through someone’s door
He speaks in tongues on Sunday
But Friday nights don’t lie
He’s got the devil in his pocket
And God stuck in his tie
Verse 2
One said, “Resign, Mr. President”
While cheating on his wife
Another screamed, “Protect the unborn”
Then paid for one — twice
One flew the flag of “freedom”
While locking closets tight
Wrote laws to jail the broken
Then crept out late at night
Bridge
From K Street down to Alabama
They wear the same disguise
A flag pin, a Bible, a zipper on fire
But no one meets their eyes
This ain’t locker room talk — it’s cover-up code
Scripted in campaign spin
Every “Amen” they whisper
Just hides the guilt within
Verse 3
They silenced the interns, the pages, the aides
Paid off the threats with PAC-fueled raids
They outlaw love, then buy a lie
Preachin’ rules they can’t live by
Final Chorus
Oh, the choirboy’s got a secret
And the whole town knows just why
He kneels before the cameras
While he zips up on the sly
Wraps his shame in scripture
Thinks that none will pry
But we see the devil in his pocket
And God stuck in his tie
Final Line
You can’t clean your soul in holy water
When your hands are soaked in lies
Citations
1 United States v. Hastert, U.S. District Court, Case No. 15-cr-00338.
2 NPR, “Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert Sentenced…” (April 27, 2016).
3 NBC News, “Dennis Hastert Sentenced…” (April 27, 2016).
4 U.S. House Committee, H. Rept. 109-733, Dec 8, 2006.
5 Ibid.
6 CNN, March 7, 2020.
7 Perkins Coie Report, May 17, 2019.
8 Washington Post, Nov 9, 2017.
9 Alabama Secretary of State, Dec 12, 2017.
10 Moore Police Department, Arrest Report, Mar 2017.
11 DOJ, Press Release, Sept 2018.
12 U.S. v. Greenberg, Plea Agreement, May 17, 2021.
13 Ibid.
14 U.S. District Court, Sentencing, Dec 1, 2022.
15 CNN, Feb 15, 2023.
16 U.S. House Ethics Report, Dec 23, 2024.
17 Missouri House Report on Greitens, April 2018.
18 Ibid.
19 St. Louis Circuit Attorney, May 30, 2018.
20 DesJarlais v. DesJarlais, Tennessee Court, 2001.
21 Tennessee Medical Board, 2013.
22 Office of Compliance, Politico, Dec 1, 2017.
23 Farenthold Resignation Letter, Apr 6, 2018.
24 CNN, Jan 4, 2018.
Legal Notes
Convicted: Hastert (financial crimes), Shortey (child sex trafficking), Greenberg (sex trafficking of a minor)
Resigned: Foley, Greitens, Farenthold, Gaetz
Currently serving: Jordan, DesJarlais
Denied allegations: Jordan, Moore, Gaetz, Greitens, Farenthold
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